Bah Humbug!

Bah! Humbug!

What else can I be when I live in a world full of fools babbling "Merry Christmas" at one another? What's Christmas but a time for finding yourself a year older and not a day richer? There's nothing merry in that. If I could work my will, nephew, every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a steak of holly through his heart."

I feel very bitter this year. (Could you tell?) Christmas is coming and this was supposed to be the grand celebration! After working almost seven years of hell in retail and being forced to enjoy the artificial merriment brought upon by economical exploitation I am finally free!! I have a week off of work! We were going to buy a real tree this year, we were going to go to Utah to visit my family, Philly to visit Dan's family and be in NYC for New Years! We were supposed to come home and find ornaments strewn all over the apartment, gifts torn, and sweet innocent Fry sleeping in the branches or under the tree.

Now we have nothing. We have no decorations up and no desire to even think about our stupid little fiber optic (although freakin' awesome) tree. I have done no Christmas shopping. I was going to join my dear friend Josh while he did his shopping for his partner in down town SF around Union Square and be a part of the magic. Think of the giant tree! The Menorah candle light ceremony! For the first time in twelve years, Union Square has an Ice Rink!! I planned to have us ice skate just for fun and relish in the Christmas Spirit. I don't care about being merry. I apologize to my family that the gifts I am getting them will be later than they usually are. (Like I ever sent them out on time anyway.)

This whole f*$%ing season is now dead. And I realize again how much I resent this holiday. I could wax eloquent about all the Christmases that have slowly added to my resentment, but I do not want to give the wrong impression to people who may be injured in some way by my words. That is not my intention.

Every day I looked forward to seeing Fry, holding Fry, snuggling with Fry and just being with Fry. I have a three hour lunch and used to be so eager to come home and take a nap with Fry, my little butt-buddy (as I called him). He would love to sleep under the quilt and on top of the blanket on the body pillow right next to my butt. But he's not there.


I would walk down the hall after a long day and reach the door to hear the little jingle of his collar running to greet me followed by meowing because he knew it was me. Now, every step down the hallway is like an ever building echo in a long ominous hallway with each foot-fall crescendo-ing with dread with each step and daggers stabbing my heart relentlessly knowing that once I reach that door and put my key in the keyhole, he is not there and never will be. All I looked forward to every day was seeing Fry. And now he's gone.


I hate being home alone now. The silence is deafening. I just come home for lunch and face plant on the couch and try not to cry. Or I lay on the bed with my face almost on his bed and rest my hand where he would have been. I do try to be happy or at least I try not to be sad.


This just sucks and is so unfair. The only thing that is the teensiest glimmer of sunshine in this dismal shitty world is going to Philly to visit Dan's sister, father and bro-in-law for Christmas and meet their two very silly (or so I am told) fat kitties who are Fry's age. We had invitations from everyone and after much discussion we decided that going to Philly was the best thing for us right now. We know we will be missed by our other family members but please know we are doing what we feel will help us right now. For those of you who want further explanation as to why we are not visiting you, that's all you get. Tough frijoles!

This Christmas sucks :(

I just want my little Fryfry back.

(PS I hate posting pictures of myself. Just concentrate on the cuteness of Fry.)