Alone

Since Fry's passing, almost three weeks ago, I have not been home alone. Dan and I were both in Philly for nine days and we both worked on the Friday we got back. I drive into SF to go to lunch with Dan every week-day save today for lunch. With Dan's new hours and having lots of stuff to do at work, we have actually been getting home at the same time. So neither one of us has been home alone in a Fry-less apartment.

Tomorrow for the first time I will be alone all day.

Today I was brave and had my second lunch home alone and managed fine. I had a four hour lunch break today, and it made no sense to drive 1/2 hour one way, spend an hour in SF with Dan, 1/2 drive back and have 2 more hours to do nothing.

It just sucks.

It was great to be gone for those nine days! Time to just BE. If I wanted to be sad, happy, tired, sleep, cranky, or silly I could and with the added bonus of not having any judgment from anyone. It was nice not to be reminded constantly that Fry was gone. But still I had a few moments where I just lost it and cried and cried. I didn't want to come home and face reality.

Time has stopped for me. But every day the sun rises and the days come and go; my heart still beats keeping my body moving forward with time and no matter how hard I wish, I wake up and am still living a nightmare.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Can I please have one more day with Fry? Earth, stop turning...
...please...